Is Anxiety or Depression More Devastating to You?
Depression scares me more than anxiety. Anxiety, I’ve learned to live with. I can work with it, work around, and I can recognize it. But depression makes it all seem pointless. It makes it feel like it’s not worth trying to manage it - that it’s hopeless, it’ll never go away, it’ll ruin everything. It convinces me staying in bed is a better option than anything else. Depression takes away the light (literally - things actually look darker) and the joy from anything that usually makes me feel light.
With anxiety, I at least feel things. Depression is a sort of numbness. There’s no pain, no fear, no joy, no happiness. It’s just empty. And when you feel empty, life seems empty.
Sneaky Little Bugger...
It also sneaks up on me. The early symptoms of it, like lethargy, withdrawing from being social, and the slowly developing disinterest, are similar to things I deal with because of chronic pain. I usually don’t realize it’s something more serious until it’s too late. Caught early, I usually have the ability to take baby steps to make it better. When it gets bad though, it convinces me there’s little point.
I know how to go through the motions to live life and make it seem like I’m okay, even when I’m not. It can come and go in waves, lasting for days or weeks, sometimes months, but that apathy and pointlessness is always there under the surface. It’s like trying to float and keep your head above water. Sometimes the water is smooth and it’s a little easier, sometimes there’s waves crashing down, but regardless the depths of unknown are always there, waiting to pull you under. And it’s terrifying.