A Spiritual Look at Chronic Pain
I’m about to get super witchy & spiritual about my chronic pain. So if you’re not into that, please skip this post. A year ago I would’ve rolled my eyes & gotten annoyed at a post like this. After spending time healing, it now resonates with my soul. Maybe one day you’ll come back to this - it’ll be here waiting for you, whenever you’re ready to hear it. If not, that’s ok too.
I deal with chronic pain related to my menstrual cycle. I’ve had multiple surgeries to fix it, and have something so rare I can’t find any info on it - but for simplicity’s sake, it’s like endometriosis, just a different type of cell. Specifically, Fallopian tube cells, growing on the outside of my tubes & my inner stomach (NOT where they’re supposed to be).
I’ve been spending a lot of time studying the spirit, especially in relation to pain. Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Myss has been my guidebook, and it’s BLOWING my mind. It’s unbelievable how specific it is, and how thoroughly it explains not only my physical pain, but emotional pain I’ve dealt with my entire life.
I’ve always felt disconnected and out of balance. The masculine and feminine are completely divided within me - no bridge between them, no dot of Yin in the Yang. I’ve always leaned very heavily towards the feminine. I struggle with confidence, assertiveness, and outward driven motivation (aka the masculine). I also have deep trust issues around money and relationships.
It makes total fucking sense that my pain located in the second chakra, the area driven by trust, relationships and money. Not only that, the pain is ALWAYS located on the right side, which according to many belief systems, is the masculine side. It’s also debilitating the months that I’m ovulating from my right ovary. Years ago, not knowing any of this, I actually gave my pain a masculine name (Herman).
What got even more mind blowing was that Caroline Myss specifically mentions tubular issues. She talks about how they’re related to unhealed childhood wounds. It made sense to me - none of my trust issues are based in my present circumstances. They all stem from my childhood and the relationship I witnessed between both my parents and their relationship with money. Stories that no longer apply to me, some that were never actually mine, but that I continue to carry anyways.
We carry stories with us longer than they serve us for many complicated reasons. Loyalty. Comfort. Safety. Identity. Whatever the reason, no matter how much they hurt us, they have also served some purpose. However backwards or painful, in some weirdly illogical way, they have helped keep us safe. And they can be hard to let go of. So, I’m in the process of letting go of these stories. Questioning everything that comes up. Is this mine? Does this apply to my current situation? Is this my actual truth, or a story I’m telling myself? How can I change this story to reflect who I am today? What parts do I ACTUALLY want to keep, and what can I let go of?
It’s a brutal process. And it may never help my physical pain. But either way, my pain led me to some sort of healing. And for that, I am grateful