What You Need to Know About Anger
Normally when I think of “emotional” I think of crying. What comes to mind for me is sadness, because for most of my life that’s all I knew how to express. I was never shown healthy ways of expressing anger. It was always to be hidden, stuffed down, or ignored, until it couldn’t and it burst forth. For some that showed up as rage, yelling or throwing. For me, I would just cry. I had such strong feelings, but I didn’t know how to communicate them.
With all the self-work I done, I’ve become used to crying. I know it’s healthy, not something to be ashamed of, and its healing. Tears literally detox what you’re carrying in your body - every time you cry, the chemicals are different.
What I’m not used to yet is the feeling of anger. Of injustice. Of feeling pissed off, wronged, or hurt, and learning to express that. So for me, the summer of 2018 (full of strong astrological events) was an emotion one, but not in the way I was prepared for. Instead of tears bubbling up & over (although there were obvs some of those too, but for sadness) it felt more like flames. Strong, intense, and burning. A very fierce “fuck no”. Setting very strong boundaries in ways I wasn’t used to. Communicating my no’s without being apologetic or unworthy. Speaking up when I felt wronged, when I felt like someone wasn’t carrying their weight, or when they did something I didn’t agree with.
I’m definitely not the most graceful at it. It’s like learning a new language - literally. You have to learn different words to communicate the emotions, and do so in a way that honours yourself without harming another. It’s a steep fucking learning curve, but I’m doing my best. I’m trying to stay present, observe, and integrate everything that I’m learning and experiencing. Hopefully, this will become as natural and shameless to me as crying. One day.