Consistency + Leaps of Faith
I was on TV for the first time this week!!
It was a cool experience and a pleasure to share what I love about Market Collective and details about my workshop. It wasn’t perfect. I’m pretty sure I totally blacked out during it and had flashbacks of it while driving home afterwards. At one point, I said I would take the bundles from the workshop home… without finishing the sentence, saying “to finish the dyeing before you pick it up.”
I promise, you will get to keep your treasure hahaha.
In the past, this would have sent me into a total tailspin. While I did start to spiral a little, it was more like a little trickle of anxiety instead of a full-blown tsunami and I came back to myself much quicker than I would have in the past.
Honestly, I don’t know for sure if I would have gone on TV in the first place in the past. Anxiety around things like this, even recording reels, was so crippling that I couldn’t make myself do it. Or if I did, I would suffer for weeks leading up to it, as well as a few after. The fact that I showed up, went on camera calmly, and was able to laugh about making a mistake is HUGE for me. I’m truly so proud of that.
I’ve been diving deep into attachment, identity, and self-worth. Rewiring my nervous system, if you will. One of the things that keeps coming up is the power of consistently showing up for myself. I used to think that meant setting a very detailed schedule and following it rigidly, especially with work. But I’ve been reframing it to setting intentions, being present and open to life, and trusting myself. For the last few months, I’ve had a morning ritual of doing an OPEN meditation, pulling tarot cards, and writing morning pages for ten minutes—the difference this has made for me has been wild. I’ve been taking in all the information I can from folks like Lisa Dawn and Jamie Sea. I’ve doubled down on somatic and bodywork over the last two weeks, with osteotherapy with Ocean, acupuncture with Erin, somatic yoga with Jess, and cranial sacral with Ariffa. It’s been like hitting the reset button. I’ve been going to therapy for years, but it felt like so much was stuck in my body, things weren’t shifting—I needed to take care of both to move forward.
It’s been interesting to see how this is manifesting in my work. This has felt like one of the most creative periods of my life—I’ve been playing with dyes and writing, leading workshops, and finding clarity on where I want to go and the support I’ll need to grow. I used to push myself past the point of burnout, trying to do everything perfectly, all by myself. I now own I can’t do it all, which used to make me feel like a failure; now it makes me excited. It means I get to collaborate with magical folks who make this journey more fun & expansive than I ever imagined possible.
I’m taking so many leaps of faith that in the past I was too afraid to. I was terrified of failing, making a mistake, or how badly it would hurt if I got it and lost it. I’m still scared, but I also feel curious, creative, and confident in a way that feels new to me, and I believe that comes from establishing a solid foundation of trust in myself. Consistently choosing to show up for myself has created a sense of safety within that’s helping me to feel brave and vulnerable, doing the things I used to dream of.
I’m not sure where this road will take me, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come, and of how I’m choosing to move forward.